2020-12-23

#244: McDonald's Plus

 

[Person is stepping out of a limo. Fred is greeting them.] \n Fred: Thanks for coming out to Margonsfield! \n Person: Ugh. This city better be worth it. \n [They are walking towards a McDonalds.] \n Fred: And this is the finest eatery in Margonsfield! \n Person: A McDonalds?! \n [They are sitting at a bench inside the McDonalds. Person is furious, Fred is calmly reading the menu.] \n Person: I can't believe this! I come to this crappy town and their best restaurant is a Mc- \n Off-panel: Ma'am. [The off-panel speaker is revealed to be a waiter with a mustache and a tuxedo, carrying a bottle of champagne and a serving dome. There is a soda vending machine serving "FINE SPIRITS" in the background.] \n Waiter: Champagne?

My next comic will be a special joint Christmas/New Years comic! It will be published Jan 1.

2020-11-25

#243: Sacrifice (Part Four)

 

[Close-up of Max.] \n Max: Fine! I'll leave. But you haven't seen the last of me! \n [Fred talks to Max.] \n Fred: Well, yeah. You live next door. \n Max: Whatever. \n [Max draws an amulet from his pocket, a persimmon is engraved on it.] \n [The chain snaps.] \n SFX: SNAP \n [Max disappears in a flash of extremely bright magical light.] \n SFX: FOOM \n [Beatrice begins to disappear. Fred reaches for her. Her speech becomes blurred.] \n Beatrice: Fred, my grip on the mortal world is fading... \n Fred: Wait! But- \n Beatrice: You must remember to- \n [She disappears, becoming a point of light.] \n SFX: PING \n [Beat.] \n [Beatrice reappears.] \n Beatrice: Sorry about that. Bad connection. Remember to paint the east fence, it's peeling.
Stupid Glyphs written unto the universe by Time itself have a terrible upload speed. I can't even get Netflix on this thing.

2020-10-31

#242: Sacrifice (Part Three)

[Fred slams his front door. Lightning outside.] \n SFX: SLAM \n [Max prepares a spell outside the door.] \n Max: heh heh heh \n [Spell grows stronger.] \n SFX: PWEEEEE \n [Door explodes. Beatrice shields Fred with magic.] \n SFX: BOOM \n [Max stands outside, looking through the huge hole.] \n Max: Here's Johnny! \n [Max and Beatrice in front of the McJeannason family tree.] \n Beatrice: Stay away from my nephew! \n Max: Oh yeah? How'll you stop me? \n [Beatrice zaps Max with life magic.] \n SFX: BZZT \n [Max prepares a spell.] \n Max: So you wanna fight? \n [Beatrice prepares a spell.] \n [Their spells connect in a flurry of electricity and fire.] \n SFX: CRACK \n [Max prepares a spell. (same time as 2 panels ago, not after last panel)] \n [Grandfather clock strikes midnight.] \n SFX: BONG \n [Max's spell shorts out.] \n SFX: FZZT \n [Max grins nervously.] \n Max: Oh. \n Max: Oops. \n [Max speaks to an annoyed Beatrice.] \n Max: Listen, I know I might've made a wrong decision in trying to kill your nephew. But if you would just consider- \n [Beatrice zaps Max.] \n SFX: ZAP
Happy Halloweeeen! 👻 (BTW, family tree doesn't show all family members yet, I was on a time crunch :P)

2020-10-24

#241: Sacrifice (Part Two)

 Max, hasn't anyone told you not to run with magic?
Sorry I missed last week! Makeup should be coming, hopefully.

2020-10-11

#240: Sacrifice (Part One)

[Snoring coming from a spooky, spidery room.] \n Fred: ZZZzZZzZz \n [Fred is lying down on a messy bed with candy wrappers.] \n Fred: zZZzZZZZ \n [A spectral blue hand taps Fred.] \n Off-screen: Hey. \n [Fred sits up, rubbing his eyes.] \n Fred: Zxqsm? \n [Fred stares up at a ghost with a bun in her hair.] \n [Same scene.] \n Fred: AAAAAAAAAAAAA \n [Same scene.] \n Fred: AAAAAAAAAAA \n [Same scene.] \n Ghost: Stop it. \n [Ghost looks around. Fred comes to terms with the ghost.] \n Ghost: I thought you'd take better care of the house... \n Fred: Great-Aunt Beatrice? How did...why... \n [Full-body view of Beatrice.] \n Beatrice: Someone summoned me back to the mortal world. I don't know who... \n [She points out the window. A beam of magic energy points toward the orchard near Fred's house. Margonsfield's skyline is visible in the background.] \n Beatrice: Somewhere in that direction. \n [Fred walks by a spooky tree. Beatrice is hovering spookily, the beam still coming from her hand. The spooky moon illuminates the landscape.] \n [Change of perspective. The beam points to Max, who is meditating and hovering, with the sigils of the magical elements: Time, Life, Persimmons, Pi, Energy, surrounding him.] \n Fred: Max?! \n Max: Hey. \n [Same scene, different perspective.] \n Beatrice: Why did you summon me? \n Max: It's just a magical exercise. A soul exchange between the mortals and afterlife every Halloween before the next midnight is sufficient for me to keep my powers. \n [Zoom in on Beatrice and Fred.] \n Beatrice: Oh, ok. \n Fred: Exchange? \n [The sigils disintegrate. Max draws a dagger.] \n Max: That's right. \n SFX: SHIIING \n [The dagger embeds itself in the tree right beside Fred.] \n SFX: WHUNK

My darkest and spookiest comic ever. How canon this all is is left as an exercise for the reader.

I'm back everybody! Trying to update a little more. Alternative title: The Tiny Stripz Halloween Special!

2020-09-05

#238: If Only

[Fred is trying to open a packaged calculator with scissors.] \n Fred: Argh...stupid calculator packages...\n Amanda: Oh, you're opening one of those? \n [Amanda pulls a tab on the plastic package, the calculator slides out. POP! SLIDE] \n Amanda: You just have to pull this tab. \n [Fred stares at the calculator, Amanda walks away.] \n [Beat.] This should be required by law for all clamshell packaging. Can we whip up a new international treaty?

2020-08-19

#237: Celestial Prank

 [Amanda appears in a starry void. POOF]\n [Time, a sphere glowing red, is next to her. Its dialogue appears in a red rectangle, and translations to the ancient conlang Drini are visible below the rectangle.]\n Time: hello, mortal. you have been summoned to ask me one question.\n [Amanda contemplates this.]\n Amanda: Hmm... What is the meaning of pi?\n [Time glows more. BOOM]\n Time: haha, we just threw that in to mess with you guys. ok, bye!\n Amanda: Wait-
Mortals are so annoying. "What is the purpose of life?" They just keep pestering.

2020-08-12

#236: Endless

Whoops! Saved this comic as a draft but forgot to upload it for a while.

2020-05-24

#234: 2nd Birthday

[Banner hanging from ceiling, with confetti. Fred, Max, Elaine, and Amanda sit at a stable, while Spider-Fish hangs from a thread.] \nBANNER: HAPPY 2nd Bday* \nCAPTION: *Actually April 22nd \nFred: Woooo! \n[Fred drops a simultaneously burning, molding, and frozen cake onto a plate.] \nAmanda: What happened to the cake? \nFred: That's actually a funny story. \n[Fred explains.] \nFred: So I'm at the store, right? And there's this cake just lying on the floor! And so I grab the cake and go. \nAmanda (off-panel): But then why is the cake on fire? \nFred: Well, technically the store was on fire. So I grab it- \n[Amanda looks worried.] \nAmanda: Wait, on *fire?!* \nFred (off-panel): Only one aisle. \nFred: It's probably ok, right? I was wearing thick clothes. And I had a water jug with me. \nAmanda (off-panel): ...I'm getting the cake next time.
Two years! Wooo! 🥳 Wow, can't believe it's been two years. Also can't believe my posting schedule has been offset so much I'm celebrating it more than a month late 😩😂

2020-05-10

#233: Norris Poker (Part Five)

[Norris Poker, holding a phone, climbs out of a skyscraper window and onto a red beam on which Fred sits, hanging from wire. In the background, a lady fights her evil Venus flytrap.] Poker: Ok, I think we lost - [A laser cuts the wire.] SFX: ZAP [Poker falls off the beam, passing the phone to Fred in the process. Fred hangs on.] Poker: ! [Fred's POV. He desperately taps on the phone, trying to create a wormhole.] SFX: TAP TAP TAP [Meanwhile, Poker is still falling.] Poker: AAAAAAA [The newly created wormhole ripples the fabric of space.] [Poker falls into a glowing wormhole. In the background, a person is floating while meditating, a robot is electrocuting its unfortunate creator, a person types on an old computer, and a T-rex chases people across the apartment building.] SFX: FWOOM
This one took a long time! Been putting a lot more work into the art lately.

2020-03-10

#228: Vibing

[Alex walks in to the panel.] Alex: Hey Max, I'm home! Max (off-panel): Over here. [Max is meditating in mid-air, a laptop, book, chair, and cup are floating in the air around him along with a blue glow.] Alex: Whoa... [Alex close up.] Alex: How are you doing this? [Zoom out again.] Max: Doing what? I'm just "vibing". Alex: This isn't vibing.
When ur vibing 2 hard and you accidentally levitate in the air in a frenzy of all-knowing godly multireality perception

2020-02-29

#227: Self-Driving

[A screenshot of Amazon. A picture of a Tesla, rated 4.9 / 5. A five star review.] CAPTION: TESLA (SELF-DRIVING) - Self-driving - One-way glass - Electric REVIEW: Love it! I went from having a car crash every two weeks to having a car crash every two MONTHS!
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ After I bought this fire alarm, it went off every time my house caught on fire!

2020-02-17

#226: Laptop

[Amanda is holding a dripping PB&J in her right hand, and in her left hand, she is holding out her laptop, covered in jelly. Fred is looking at the laptop while walking by.] CAPTION: HOW I TREAT MY LAPTOP Amanda: Hey Fred, check this out! [Fred is sitting at a desk, working on Amanda's laptop. Amanda is freaking out.] CAPTION: HOW I ACT WHEN OTHER PEOPLE ARE USING MY LAPTOP Fred: How do I connect to- Amanda: YOU'RE PRESSING THE KEY TOO HARD!
IT'S NOT PLUGGED IN AND IT'S ONLY 90% AND YOU TURNED THE BRIGHNTESS TOO HIGH

2020-02-03

#225: Email

[A browser with ExampleMail open. Its logo is a blue version of Gmail's logo as of 2013.] CAPTION: Why not to use email EMAIL: To jsmith@mail.example.com Cc Hi John, Can you send me the data? [Fred sits at his laptop, waiting for a response.] [Fred is tired and annoyed.] CAPTION: Two weeks later [The laptop notifies Fred of an email.] [On the laptop:] REPLY: From jsmith@mail.example.com Cc Hi Fred, out of office for five days. Reply when I get back! - John
Most of my friends use either Discord or Hangouts now. And Hangouts won't notify me through email, so it takes days for me to notice messages. :(

2020-01-27

#224: Productivity

[Life, a ghost-like blue figure, is floating in the air holding a paper. Amanda is at her desk, looking at him.] Life: You need to do your homework. [Close-up on Amanda.] Amanda: Maybe I've been avoiding my homework because there's too much stress in my life... [Amanda smiles.] Amanda: and maybe to get rid of that stress, I should play Minecraft! [Life drags Amanda away from her laptop, knocking it and the chair over in the process.] Life: No.
Any human in a nutshell. Just substitute "You need to do your homework" with "You need to walk the dog", "You need to take your vitamins", "You need to destroy the One Ring", etc, etc.

2020-01-19

#223: Everything is Football

[Someone kicking a soccer ball.] CAPTION: "FOOTBALL" [People playing American football.] CAPTION: "AMERICAN FOOTBALL" [Someone dunking a basketball.] CAPTION: "BASKET FOOTBALL" [Someone playing tennis.] CAPTION: "RACKET FOOTBALL"
Why are we the only ones that call it soccer? (P.S. I'm getting much better with publishing lately! 😁👍🗓✅)

2020-01-11

2020-01-01

#219: Dog Mode

[Fred looks slightly depressed. Elaine is in the 2020 spirit, with a rainbow party hat and even a rainbow speech bubble.] CAPTION: 2019-12-31 11:59:00pm Elaine: HAPPY NEW YEAR! Fred: I don't get it... [Fred starts monologuing.] Fred: I was told, "By 2020, there'll be flying cars." Over and over, "By 2020, there'll be flying cars." [Fred grows angry.] Fred: But it's 2020, and there are no flying car- [A silver futuristic Tesla hovering above the ground with laser beams crashes through the wall. Fred looks mildly intrigued. Elaine looks appropriately confused and surprised, her party hat flying off.] SFX: SCREECH [Elon Musk gets out of the car.] Off-panel: Elon Musk?! Elon Musk: Hi. [Elon Musk apologetically waves towards the car.] Elon Musk: Oh, uh, sorry the whole flying car thing is late. It took a while to get Dog Mode working.
For one thing, we had a feature for the car to imitate human driving. But on New Years', the car drove around wildly, eventually getting arrested by police. I think it imitated a little too much.