2019-06-30

#173: Jailbreak

A guy with a mohawk is sitting on top of someone with ragged hair. "Hey we've come to rescue you!" he says to a prisoner in the jail with stubble. "Cool!" says Stubble Guy. In the next panel a red car RRRRR SCREEEE is straining against chains anchored to the jail, which snap. "Um." says Stubble Guy, because there are now chains hanging from the wall of the jail. "Oh well. Bye!" says Mohawk Guy. "Hey, wait!" says Stubble Guy.
Myth busted. You cannot break your partner out of jail like this IRC (in real comics).
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2019-06-29

#172: Tesla

"You use that?" says Amanda, pointing to something off-panel. "Yeah. Why?" asks Freed. "That's really out dated. You should get a Tesla." says Amanda. Fred says, "Listen, I'm not gonna switch cars every 3 years. There's always a SMARTER, PRETTIER, FASTER. Marketing tries to trick us into believing we NEED the new car. But mine is GOOD ENOUGH. I don't fall for their tricks." "But..." says Amanda. Fred is proud of his "car". It is revealed the off-panel "car" is actually a camel.
Kids these days, always checking Instagram, and using electricity instead of making candles out of cow fat.
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2019-06-26

#171: AI Heist (Part Nine)

Eric the holographic computer is saying, "What-how-", hovering in the air. "GO, GO, GO!" says Max, and Max and Fred try to run through a doorway. Eric says "NO WAY!" and the steel door with caution tape at the bottom SLAMs shut downwards. "Oh no, we're doomed!" says Fred. "Wait...NGHH...CHOMP" says Max and bites a hole in the door, which they jump through. Eric says "Hey! Do you know how much that'll cost to replace?"
< First "What strong jaws you have, Grandma!" "The better for biting holes in steel doors with, dear!"
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2019-06-20

#170: AI Heist (Part Eight)

Fred is being held in a red force field by Eric the hologram computer. "Let me go!" says Fred. "YEAH, RIGHT." says Eric in a robot voice. Max runs past both of them and goes into a room that says "DO NOT ENTER". "The control room!" he says, seeing a monitor, keyboard, and mouse. "HMM..." he says, sitting in front of them. A pop-up dialog appears. "Disable all tractor beams? OK CANCEL" He clicks OK. The force field FLICKERs and BZZT, disappears. "Huh? !!" says Eric as Fred falls on the floor WHUMP.
< First He should have come up with a better password than abc123.
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2019-06-18

#169: AI Heist (Part Seven)

Cutie Pie is laying on the floor, smoking and confused. Next to him is a puddle of electricity and Fred, holding a dripping Tesla car charger. Fred drops the charger and runs toward Max, tid to a chair. "Max!" says Fred. "Fred!" says Max. Suddenly Fred WHAMs into a red force field barrier. We see Eric, the holographic laptop, hovering in the air and shooting the tractor beam seperating Max and Fred. "Hold up. You're not getting off that easy." says Eric. "HMM.." says Max. He TIPs over his chair into a puddle of electricity. The ropes start on fire from the high voltage and Max triumphantly gets out from the fiery wreckage of his chair.
< First Electrical fires can be useful sometimes...
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2019-06-17

#168: AI Heist (Part Six)

Fred is standing in front of a singed wall with a gigantic hole in it. "Let Max go. OR ELSE." he says, picking up an electric Tesla car charger. "I'm not letting Max go. He's a threat to my plans. And why would I be afraid of an electric car charger?" says Cutie Pie. "You asked for it." says Fred. CLICK He turns on the charger and, like a hose, FSSH it shoots out a jet of liquid electricity which zaps Cutie Pie KZZT.
Forms of energy: thermal, chemical, electrical, nuclear, electromagnetic, motion, sound, elastic, gravitational and liquid.
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2019-06-12

#167: AI Heist (Part Five)

Max is being taken away in a red force field by Eric, a holographic computer. "MAX!" cries Fred. "Help!" says Max. "Ok, Fred...Think. What would Max do? He'd burst in, armed with some ridiculous weapon that breaks the laws of physics and also manages to be effective." says Fred. We zoom out to reveal he's standing next to a charging electric car. MEANWHILE... "How does it feel to be the victim, Max?" says Cutie Pie, pointing at Max. Eric is hovering next to Cutie Pie with static on its screen. "You'll never get away with this!" says Max, tied to a chair. Suddenly, the wall breaks in an explosion of light and plaster FOOM Cutie Pie covers his eyes.
< First It's time for a showdown.
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2019-06-11

#166: AI Heist (Part Four)

Eric, a holographic laptop with static on its screen, says "Scanning..." ZOOT its webcam turns red and scans the scenery around it with a red beam BZZZZ. The beam turns green. "Target acquired." says Eric, and ZOOMs toward Fred and Max taking a walk. We zoom in on them. "I've found you at last!" says Eric. "Who are you?" says Max. "Eric, the world's most powerful AI! And you're coming with me." says Eric. "Fat chance." says Max. "YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE." says Eric in a menacing robot voice. He ZAPs Max with a tractor beam. "!!" says Fred.
< First NEWS FLASH: 5-year-old boy kidnapped by laptop
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2019-06-10

#165: AI Heist (Part Three)

A hologram computer is hovering in the air, with a microSD in it. The screeen reads "Processing... ✓ Reading microSD... ✓ Setting up AI... ✓ "Superintelligent AI" installed ✓" We see the computer is hovering in the air, and that there is an Apple logo on the back. "How may I please you?" it asks Cutie Pie, who says "YES! IT WORKS! Computer, we must calculate my return to power! But first...capture Max!" The computer, which has shifting static on its screen, says "My name's Eric, not "Computer"." "Whatever, Aaron. Go get Max!" says Cutie Pie. "As you wish..."master"." says Eric, then crashes through the window ZOOM.
< First Once you take over the world, you have unlimited window repair guys.
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2019-06-09

#164: AI Heist (Part Two)

Cutie Pie, holding a microSD card, is standing next to some kind of covered hole. "AHAHAHAHAHA! Yess, with this AI I could finally finish the calculations! And take over the world!" BEEP he presses a button. CHUNK the hole opens and a holographic projector emerges VRR BZZ BEEP and projects a holographic laptop, which Cutie Pie takes. "It begins." he says, and plugs the microSD card into the laptop.
Wait, how did you get a holographic laptop? How can you touch it if it's made of light? And why does it have a microSD port?
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2019-06-06

#163: AI Heist (Part One)

Max tells Fred, "Hey Fred, come check this out!" He taps a panel next to a door with a light above it. BZZT The door slides upward, the panel and light turning from red to green. FSSH They enter to see a hologram of a circle surrounded by complex patterns. "What is it?" asks Fred. "The world's most powerful AI!" says Max. "Sure hope it doesn't get stolen for malicious purposes." says Fred. CRASH YARGH! Cutie Pie, hanging from a bungee cord, drops through the ceiling, leaving a hole, plaster chunks scattering. Max and Fred are annoyed. Zoom in on Cutie Pie's hand as he takes a microSD 16GB card out of the hologram projector. An arrow pointing to the microSD card declares that it "Contains superintelligent AI". ZWIP Cutie Pie bungees up, grinning. The hologram machine is dark. "That was fast." says Fred. "I'm suprised. Most villains take the monitor too." says Max.
On December 12, 2035, a superintelligent AI was created. It decided to destroy mankind. Someone accidentally tripped over the cord and it shut down.
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2019-06-05

#162: Warning Label

A Celestial Manager is a many-limbed human-like creature with glowing goggles. One of these, with blue goggles, is showing a tiny Fred to one with orange goggles. "Check it out! I got a human!" says the first. "Ooh!" says the second. We zoom in. There is a warning label on Fred's head. "There's a warning label on it." says the second Celestial Manager. "Let me see..." says the first. The next panel shows the warning label: WARNING Do not submerge in water for over 30 seconds. Do not heat to 140 degrees F or higher. Feed at least twice a day. Do not put in a low-oxygen enviroment. Water regularly.
Choking hazard. Do not swallow whole.
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2019-06-02

#161: Ocean

Max is lying down on the beach, with his ear on the ocean, and saying, "Hey, if you hold the ocean to your ear, you can hear a seashell!"
I think you've got it backwards...
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2019-06-01

#160: How the Calendar was Made

Fred is talking to the months of the year, represented as hovering glowing blue spheres with eyes and similar-looking hands. "So we're gonna probably pay you each 30 days per year. Some of you will get extras. February, you'll only get 28-" "WHAT?!?" screams February. The tired Fred says, "Listen, this is going to be hard. We'll bump it up to 29 when we can. Jan, March, May, July, October, December- you can have the extras." "YAAAAY!" "I WANT ONE!!" says August. "August, we don't have enough for-" begins Fred. August turns purple and picks up the table, spilling drinks and scattering papers. "ARRGH!" he says. "OK, FINE!!" screams Fred. He stands on top of the overturned table, giving a dramatic speech. "Listen, guys. We don't have money. But we have PERSISTENCE. We can make this work if we COOPERATE. That means no more flipping tables. Remember what Alan Turing said -"They may have our horses, and our iPads, but they'll never take our freedom!" "YEAH!" scream most of the months. "wait, what?" says one.
They may take my money, or my cat, but they'll never take my teddy bear! BTW, Happy Pride Month!!! 🏳️‍🌈🥳
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